Category Archives: Family

The State of the Black Community

I was asked by a magazine publisher to write a short piece stating my opinion on the State of the Black Community and what I would do to make it better.  I chose to keep it to 500 words for the exercise but I’m giving serious consideration to a series of posts on this subject.  Of course, it’s our personal experiences that create the lens with which we view the world.  Here’s a very small piece of my view of our community.    I’d like to hear yours.  Post a comment at the end and let me know what you’re thinking.

Many great things came out of the desegregation of our schools in the 1950’s and the Civil Rights movement of the 1960’s.  However, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  The late Dr. Miles Munroe said, “He who creates the law creates the culture”.  These laws which banned discrimination and racial segregation against African-Americans and women and the abolishment of the doctrine of “separate but equal” in relation to children’s education, also began the breakdown of the black family and the black community as a whole.

I grew up in an all-black neighborhood in the 1970’s. It was a time when we could play outside all day with no fear.   Why?  Because the lady four houses up the street worked with your momma, the man down the street at the corner played cards with your daddy and both your Aunties lived two and three streets over.  And if that weren’t enough, every Sunday morning nearly everyone got together for church. The black community was our extended family.

This extended family shared common concerns and worked together to achieve certain goals.  Our socio-economic conditions were physically similar and this created a similar mindset on how to overcome our current situations.  We didn’t have the crabs in a barrel mentality but the mindset of pulling each other up.

On the one hand it was absolutely necessary for the 1954 Brown Vs Board of Education court decision and passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act.  As a people we were denied basic rights and equal education opportunities for our children.  All necessary positive changes.  However, prior to these decisions, while we were segregated from whites, we were together as a people.

I’m not opposing the need for the changes on one level. I don’t believe it was the physical move of the joined communities that caused the problems but rather the mental detachment from our own.  The forced conditions of segregation held our families together on so many levels.  Subconsciously, as our physical proximity changed because of our new-found ability to live, work and go to school where we desired, our mindsets also became detached.

What once was a subconscious shift, we must now consciously shift the pendulum back in the favor of Black family and community.  How often do we want change but we don’t work hard to achieve it?  How often do you know change is needed but we won’t do anything to affect that change? We must not be hearers only, but doers.

Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.  If we want our families and communities close again, we have to want it bad enough to change.  In order for there our circumstances to change, there must first be a paradigm shift in our thinking.  We must break out of the box of “us four and no more” in our prayers.  Each one of us must be the change we want to see.

What do you think?

Be well.

Happy LOVE day

Happy Valentine’s Day!?!  This is the day we celebrate the ones we love.  When my kids were young, I took special care to present them with a basket of goodies with their favorite action figures, a few treats or maybe a new movie.  And of course my husband and I always do something special.  But do we really know why we treat this day as so special? Do we know why Valentines day is celebrated and who St. Valentine is?

From what I’ve researched, St. Valentine was a priest in a time when the emperor Claudius was persecuting the church.   Scholars don’t know much of his early years but do know that he was passionate about Christian marriage. You see, Emperor Claudius had outlawed marriage and  Valentine secretly married people despite the emperors edict.   When he was caught, Valentine was thrown into prison and from prison wrote “love letters” to a certain blind woman he was fond of.  After his three part execution of beating, stoning and finally beheading, stories are told of the miraculous healing of the young blind woman. She was finally able to read the love letters signed, “from your Valentine“.

As thinking people who live in a time not too far removed from slavery and segregation, we know that often times the persecution and our stand for what we believe in will leave a mark on history.

On this Valentines day, my hope is that, like Valentine, we all take a stand for Love. In a time when the world encourages immoral behavior, glorifies hate and even promotes revenge that we take a stand for what we believe in…Love.

If that means either

a.  turning the other check
b.  walking the extra mile
c.  praying for your enemies
d.  doing something good for “your haters” today or
e.  all of the above

then so be it.

I’m determined to make my mark on history.  I wholeheartedly believe in the Power Of One.  A part of the reason for this blog is to spread a bit of love with each post.  It doesn’t have to be a book or a blog or a blast email, but I encourage you to do something to show LOVE today.

Feel free to leave me a comment to let me know what you are doing to show love today, whether it’s to your friend, spouse, children or something special you’re doing for yourself or the world.  Your comments could encourage someone else to spread love as well.

Be well, my friends.

KayD G


What is reLOVE?

What is reLOVE?

There’s an old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. While this may be true, having loved and lost creates a void or a broken place in us that often requires lots of time to mend.  Once you’ve loved and lost, there is a fear that tries to set in that tells you if you love that way again, then you will lose again.

Not true. But it’s hard to combat those thoughts when they invade your mind. That’s where the art of reLOVE-ing comes in.  So let’s define reLOVE.

Here’s one of the definitions of “re” (Source: The Free Online Dictionary)

a prefix; an action done over, often with the implication that the outcome of the original action was in some way impermanent or inadequate, or that the performance of the new action brings back an earlier state of affairs

WOW.  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Now for that big word some fear:  LOVE.

There are so many definitions of LOVE.  Too many to list here but let’s try a few.
(Source:  Multiple)

1:  strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child. 2:  warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>3:  the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration<baseball was his first love> 4:  a beloved person:  darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address deep euphoric feeling for someone. 5: a person’s adoration of God. 6:  a score of zero (as in tennis)

Now for the real definition of LOVE from the only SOURCE that matters:

God is LOVE

1 John 4:7-18 (NIV) tells us where love comes from and what love is…

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit.14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

 There you have it.
With all of those things multiplied together, to relove is the action of bringing back the original state of affairs on what was impermanent or inadequate the first time around.  To love at the place before the fear of lose or hurt set in.
Or in a nutshell to love again. 

We’ve all been broken.  We’ve all been hurt.  But you can learn to love again. To relove God (Jesus) again, to relove others again and to relove yourself again.  As famous poem by Crystal Boyd tells us (in part)

    • Work like you don’t need money
    • Love like you’ve never been hurt
    • And dance like no one is watching

I’m certain at least one thing entered your mind based on your life experience and how you define love and how you’ve experienced loss.  Let us know what you think .  You never know, the thoughts you share may rejuvenate someone else.  The words you say may renew someone’s mind or provide the refreshing they need to make it through another day.

Leave a comment and let’s take this relove journey to freedom together.  Be well.