I’ve heard that before. Hurting people hurt people. I believe that statement is true but what’s it all about? For those of you who read the Relove blog faithfully, you know that I always write about an experience I’ve had or a thought or a concept God has placed on my heart. Well today I’m being a fully obedient vessel.
I was listening to Dr. David Anderson today on WAVA 105.1 in the Washington, DC area. His entire show was about Anger. One caller’s comments prompted Dr. Anderson to begin discussing why hurting people hurt people. I was so deeply moved by the comments that Dr. Anderson delivered, I had to share them on this platform. God was certainly prompting me to do so. My heart’s prayer is that although I may not be able to perfectly regurgitate all Dr. Anderson said, my comments here will be a seed planted in you that will bear fruit in this current season.
Summarizing Dr. Anderson’s comments with a bit of what God placed on my heart:
Anger is actually a second emotion not a first emotion. Anger is used by people who are hurt. Let’s take an instance where you hurt my feelings. I’m hurting badly. But instead of showing you my hurt, I show you my anger. What I display towards you is my anger, never my hurt. This way, I’m in a safer place. You never see my vulnerable place and therefore, you can’t hurt me anymore. I’m now masking my hurt with this anger. I’ve built up this wall around my hurt. My hurt gets manifested through the emotion of anger in sarcasm. My hurt gets manifested through the emotion of anger in little jabs and digs I take out on you. All of this is done to mask the hurt. I now, through my anger, only want to hurt you like you hurt me.
When you’re dealing with someone who is hurt or when you are hurt, you must realize that you have two issues you must deal with. First, you have to tear down the wall of anger. Remember this when dealing with an angry teen, an angry spouse or an angry church member. Prayerfully, when that person learns to control their anger they’ve made it through the first step.
THEN, you must deal with the issue of the hurt. Often times, I’ve watched teens on the show “Scared Straight”. Some of them are so angry. But if you listen to their stories it’s often heard, “my mother left”, or “my father wasn’t there” or “my parents got divorced”. That teen is hurt. So often times when you are dealing with a person who seems angry all the time or has what we term “an attitude problem”, these are not bad people, these are hurting people.
My heart’s prayer is that you take these words to heart the next time you are angry or you are dealing with someone who is displaying anger. If you’re communicating with that person, chances are you love that person. Here’s your chance to Relove that person. Take the time to take a RE-look at the situation and the person. Dig to the root of the problem. Look past the gift God has given you in that person and look to the Giver of LIfe who gave you the gift and help them work through the hurt.
It may just make all the difference in your life and theirs.
Be well my friends. God Bless.